Chapter 5: Forgiveness and Mercy

I thought writing my conversion story would be easy, it's a story I've told a million times and I should be able to just let it roll into writing. The more I have thought about it, the more emotion it has awakened. When it comes to finally writing it I want it to be perfect and not leave out important details. I wish I could write this without emotion but that will be impossible.

I've had to face my demons in the last six months. The problem is demons are always disguised as angels. The topic of mercy came up in Relief Society for a brief time. I couldn't think about anything else past this thought as it struck a chord with me. One of the beatitudes say, "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy."

I have struggled with some information that I learned of another person (who is not related or currently in my life). I wanted to hate them. On a daily basis I reminded myself of the things they had done. I couldn't hate them no matter how hard I tried. Their sins were not mine to forgive, though I thought that is how I would get through it. Then "mercy" comes up in class. That is what I needed to move past this.

I shouldn't feel anger, disgust or even forgiveness. I should have mercy and think it is really sad they made the choices they did at the time they did. I feel sorrow and view them as a child of God who was weak. Though my sins are not the same, I have been weak, too. And I would like the Lord to have mercy on me. I know that person wrestles deeply with their soul and won't forgive his/herself. I visit that place myself and I know that this is a place that Satan wants to keep you. Not so easy to come out of even with that fact. Is it possible to have mercy for yourself?

So that has nothing to do with my conversion story, but explains why I haven't felt so in tune to write. The next part of my story is I continued to go to my Baptist church 1-3 times a week. My testimony of Jesus was getting stronger. I learned a lot about other churches, especially one who's initials are LDS.

I wouldn't say I had mercy for Mormons at this point. I would say I felt desperation to help my Hell bound friends. I was blessed with very good friends through my high school years. They were the very best examples, the highest calibur of people and they truly cared about me as much as I cared about them. I feared for their salvation.

I went to a youth camp the summer of 1983. I came back fired up and ready to go and fight in the name of the Lord. Especially since LDS = Satan's church. I had to help my friends. They cannot go to a Hell of fire and brimstone and burn forever and ever because I never said anything to help them get saved.

The same summer I went to a leadership conference. We had great experiences and when I was alone in our room with a few other girls when they asked me about my beliefs. I shared my thoughts and I can say these friends were a great example. Tami said, "We respect you for your beliefs and we hope you respect us, too." I did, kinda. I just thought they were going to Hell because of their beliefs.

Then my senior year of high school began. This was one of the best times of my life and I had the greatest experiences. I can't think of this time without thinking about how it changed me for the rest of my life.

......to be continued......