The next few months John and I spent a lot of time together. In October I asked him to the "Sadie Hawkins Dance" a girls' choice dance. We went with lots of friends and had a really fun time. In November he invited me to his family dinner at his aunt and uncle's house. I felt really nervous because I wasn't LDS and I knew his family objected to us dating because of our religious differences. I wondered if they thought I was a terrible person leading their son astray.
We spent more and more time together. We were getting even closer as time went on. We had a major fight and went to our Christmas Dance with other people. Our fight only lasted a few days. We were back together and he came over on December 23rd to exchange Christmas gifts. I gave him a purple argyle sweater - argyle was in style back then. I don't know if he particularly liked it but he wore it because it was from me. Of course, I thought he looked great in it. He gave me three light purple roses in a vase and a box of chocolates. Looks like purple was our color because I just realized we wore those colors for Senior Cotillion.
John called me every day of the Christmas break. It was during this time I did a lot of deep thinking. I loved him and knew there were only a few possibilities for us:
1. He had to change his religion.
2. I had to change my religion.
3. We both had to change religions.
4. We would have to break up.
I thought for sure it would be option 1 or 4. I loved John, but I loved God more. I had to help him. I didn't want him to go to Hell. Can he help being brainwashed? Does he know he belongs to a cult? I mean, the only way you can really believe in things like the pre-earth life, God and Jesus being separate entities and a living prophet is if you were born and raised to believe that way.
And that's exactly what brought me to a thought hovering in the back of my mind. "Maybe I believe the way I do because that's how I was raised to believe." I continued going to my own church and occasionally visited John's. I remember them passing the sacrament one time and I didn't partake of it and handed the tray to John. His little sister who was five at the time said in a loud whisper, "Mom. Why didn't Krista take the sacrament?" Her mom tried to hush her but she persisted a little louder, "Why didn't Krista take the sacrament?" Her mom finally answered in a loud whisper, "Because she's not a member of the church."
We spent New Year's Eve together with many of our friends at his house and brought in the year 1984. A new year always gives us an opportunity to reflect on our lives and make some changes. There was a big change I needed to make. I loved John more and more as time went on but had the same sincere prayer, "Lord, if it is your will please separate us."
January 1, 1984 - In my journal I refer to this day as having a "spiritual day." It was the beginning of what I titled "The Search." I believed with all my heart my church was the true church. John believed with all his heart his church was the true church. What if his church was true? How can I help him to know my church was true? It wasn't just his soul at stake, it was many of my friends' souls at stake, too. I decided I wasn't going to let anyone influence my mind.
My church said Mormons were unbiblical and don't believe in the atonement of Jesus. That isn't exactly what my Mormon friends said. They believe in Jesus and the atonement. They use the King James version of the Bible, which is the closest to the original translation. I stopped going to any church. My mind was filled with many conflicts regarding the gospel and what was true. I need to find out the truth for myself. "The Search" began.
.....to be continued.....
1 day ago